If you are a human like myself, I’m sure you will agree that temperance of speech and the virtue of remaining silent are challenging to practice, especially in the busyness of a workplace where conversations can be fast-paced and emotions can run high. However, with mindful effort and practical tools, it’s possible, I hope, to cultivate these virtues throughout the day. Here are some ways I’ve thought of and plan to practice myself. Hopefully, this list might help you too.
1. Morning Prayer and Reflection
Start each day with a short prayer asking for the grace to control your speech. Reflecting on scriptures like Proverbs 21:23, “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble,” can set a mindful tone for the day. Others could be used at morning and throughout the day:
“Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord, keep watch over the door of my lips!” – Psalms 141:3
“When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is prudent.” – Proverbs 10:19
“He who guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.” – Proverbs 13:3
2. Pause Before Speaking
Develop the habit of pausing briefly before responding in conversation. Even a momentary pause allows time to consider whether what you are about to say is necessary, kind, and true. It can help prevent rash or excessive words.
3. Use a Reminder
Carry a small object, such as a cross or a bracelet, as a physical reminder of your commitment to temperance of speech. When you see or touch it, let it prompt you to check your words and maintain silence when appropriate.
4. Set a Rule for Difficult Conversations
If you find yourself in conversations that provoke strong emotions, give yourself a rule to wait five seconds before replying or to not respond at all until you’ve had time to reflect. This prevents impulsive reactions that can lead to unnecessary or harmful words.
5. Practice Listening More
Make a conscious effort to listen more than you speak. By focusing on truly understanding the other person’s point of view, you naturally reduce unnecessary talk and cultivate humility, which is closely tied to temperance of speech.
6. Daily Examination of Conscience
At the end of the day, review your conversations and moments where you did or didn’t exercise temperance. This self-reflection will help reinforce the habit and make you more aware of situations where improvement is needed.
7. Offer Silence as a Sacrifice
In moments where silence is difficult, remind yourself that choosing silence is a spiritual discipline. Offer it as a small sacrifice for the good of others and for your own growth in virtue.
8. Avoid Gossiping Environments
Steer away from conversations that lead to gossip or negativity. If you find yourself in one, gracefully excuse yourself or remain silent, using it as an opportunity to practice restraint.
9. Spiritual Reading
Keep a small, discreet note or reminder with a brief quote from Scripture or a saint about guarding the tongue, such as St. James 1:19, “Be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger”
10. Accountability Partner
Find a trusted friend or coworker who shares your desire to grow in this virtue. They can remind you or gently nudge you when you are speaking more than necessary, and you can do the same for them.
What virtues or practices help you to better control your speech and maintain peace in your home or workplace?
